mortdecai movie review and rating

Because they are both aggressively quirky globe-trotting caper comedies involving missing works of art, both were made by hugely popular producer/stars allowed to indulge in their every possible whim, and both seem destined to share the same ignominious box-office fate (if the otherwise completely empty screening I attended is any indication), there is the distinct possibility that many of the reviews of “Mortdecai,” at least those written by people with longer memories, may refer to it as being Johnny Depp ‘s “Hudson Hawk.” This is a patently unfair comparison to make and not just because I am one of those rare birds who actually found “Hudson Hawk” to be a fairly hilarious romp that will one day be rediscovered and properly worshipped. No, even if I hated that film as much as most people did back in the day, it would still stand head and shoulders above this absolutely bewildering waste of time, talent, energy and money.

The thing about bad movies is that in most cases, their badness is fairly self-explanatory in that you can quickly grasp what went wrong with them. A film like “ The Boy Next Door ,” for example, is utterly inept but considering the fundamental stupidity of its basic premise, that result could hardly be considered a surprise. With other bad films, you can sort of understand what the intentions of the filmmakers might have been before things went wrong. “Mortdecai,” on the other hand, is one of those rare birds that is so off-putting in so many ways that all I could do for the most part was wonder how so many presumably intelligent people could be persuaded to sign on to produce and appear in something that could not have possibly seemed like anything other than a total mess from its earliest stages.

Depp stars as Charlie Mortdecai, a borderline dissolute roué and cad who works as an art dealer of questionable means and morals who, as the film opens, owes the British government over 8 million pounds in back taxes and is in danger of losing everything, with the possible exception of his recently cultivated walrus-style mustache. One person who wouldn’t mind seeing him lose the stache as well is his otherwise loving and infinitely patient wife Johanna ( Gwyneth Paltrow ), whose gag reflex goes into overdrive whenever she comes into close contact with the soup strainer in question, a trait that is sympathetically shared by both Mortdecai and, presumably, most members of the audience. 

Because of his ability to navigate the seamier areas of the art world, Mortdecai is pressed into service by MI-6 agent (and long-standing rival for Johanna’s affections) Martland ( Ewan McGregor ) to help in the search for a missing Goya painting that is even more valuable because of a rumor that it may have a code leading to a fortune in Nazi gold scribbled on its back. With his trusty manservant Jock Strapp–yes, Jock Strapp ( Paul Bettany )–at his side, Mortdecai bounces back and forth between London, Moscow and Los Angeles on the trail of the painting and stumbles into one desperate escapade after another that usually results in Jock getting shot, stabbed or otherwise injured along the way. Meanwhile, Johanna begins her own pursuit of the painting as well and uses her wiles to get Martland, who still has a thing for her, to fork over important information along the way.

Based on the 1973 novel “Don’t Point That Thing at Me,” allegedly the first in a series of books featuring the Mortdecai character, “Mortdecai” is a film whose entire comedic foundation is based on two elements–funny-looking mustaches and Johnny Depp’s ability to do a mildly passable impression of Terry-Thomas . I will concede that these two things could be amusing under the right circumstances but only for a short amount of time and certainly not for a seemingly endless 106 minutes. And yet, screenwriter Eric Aronson keeps coming back to those particular wells over and over despite having thoroughly mined whatever comedic ore they might have held after the first five minutes. Beyond that, the screenplay is a ghastly collection of self-consciously plummy dialogue, jokes that aren’t so much ribald as rabid, and, when all else fails, various forms of gagging and/or vomiting. Trying and failing to make something out it all is director David Koepp (“ Premium Rush “), who knows how to direct smart, canny entertainments, but who hasn’t done so here.

As for Johnny Depp, he delivers another one of the self-consciously campy turns that he has been giving viewers in lieu of an actual performances–not only is it a one-joke characterization, the joke is on the level of a below-average knock-knock joke. Like the film as a whole, this performance is such a spectacular miscalculation that it begins to generate a strange fascination in that you almost want to keep watching just to see how much worse it can possibly get before it finally comes to a merciful and long-overdue conclusion. While Depp is delivering enough bad acting for at least four movies, his co-stars (beyond those already cited, Jeff Goldblum and Olivia Munn also turn up as a sleazy American art dealer and his nymphomaniac daughter) barely bother to make anything resembling an effort, perhaps in the belief that if they do as little as possible, no one will notice that they are even there amidst Depp’s flailings.

When the definitive biography of Johnny Depp is finally written, I know that I will immediately turn to the chapter focusing on “Mortdecai” so that I can finally figure out what in God’s name he and everyone else involved was thinking when they made it. My guess is that it will prove to be far more entertaining and interesting than the film itself.

Peter Sobczynski

A moderately insightful critic, full-on Swiftie and all-around  bon vivant , Peter Sobczynski, in addition to his work at this site, is also a contributor to The Spool and can be heard weekly discussing new Blu-Ray releases on the Movie Madness podcast on the Now Playing network.

• Olivia Munn as Georgina Krampf
• Ewan McGregor as Inspector Martland
• Gwyneth Paltrow as Johanna
• Jeff Goldblum as
• Paul Bettany as Jock Strapp
• Johnny Depp as Charles Mortdecai
• David Koepp
• Eric Aronson

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Common Sense Media Review

Tiresome caper comedy has big stars, little appeal.

Parents Need to Know

Parents need to know that Mortdecai is Johnny Depp's cheeky, if inert, heist-type movie, with plenty of sexual innuendo and farcical hijinks. Expect frequent cartoonish, slapstick-style violence: People get stabbed, shot at, and punched to bits, but it's all treated lightly, and there's not much…

Why Age 16+?

Frequent cartoonish, slapsticky violence, without too much blood or gore. Villai

Lots of innuendo and references about a character (Mortdecai's manservant, J

A couple of uses of "f--k," plus "damn," "bitch,"

An Apple computer is visible, as is a Rolls Royce, which features prominently in

Social drinking.

Any Positive Content?

Mortdecai may sometimes be unscrupulous, but he's a loyal husband who's

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Violence & Scariness

Frequent cartoonish, slapsticky violence, without too much blood or gore. Villains wield knives and guns and threaten to use them; gunshots and knife (and sword) fights; beatings and insults. Torture is threatened.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Violence & Scariness in your kid's entertainment guide.

Sex, Romance & Nudity

Lots of innuendo and references about a character (Mortdecai's manservant, Jock, who beds virtually every woman he sees). Mortdecai is seen with an erection (covered). Some kissing (more attempts than actual kissing), and scantily clad characters. A topless woman sits atop a man, but her breasts aren't shown.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Sex, Romance & Nudity in your kid's entertainment guide.

A couple of uses of "f--k," plus "damn," "bitch," etc.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Language in your kid's entertainment guide.

Products & Purchases

An Apple computer is visible, as is a Rolls Royce, which features prominently in the plot.

Drinking, Drugs & Smoking

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Drinking, Drugs & Smoking in your kid's entertainment guide.

Positive Role Models

Mortdecai may sometimes be unscrupulous, but he's a loyal husband who's committed to seeing his mission through.

Positive Messages

Parents need to know that Mortdecai is Johnny Depp 's cheeky, if inert, heist-type movie, with plenty of sexual innuendo and farcical hijinks. Expect frequent cartoonish, slapstick-style violence: People get stabbed, shot at, and punched to bits, but it's all treated lightly, and there's not much blood. While there's no graphic nudity (a topless woman sits astride a man, but her breasts aren't seen; other characters are scantily clad), there are lots of unsubtle references to sexual acts and one character's many conquests. Language includes a few milder words ("damn," "bitch") and a couple uses of "f--k." To stay in the loop on more movies like this, you can sign up for weekly Family Movie Night emails .

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Parent and Kid Reviews

• Parents say (3)
• Kids say (8)

Based on 3 parent reviews

That was... Strange

What's the story.

British art dealer Lord Charlie Mortdecai ( Johnny Depp ) is in a financial pickle: His less-than-straightforward ways of doing business have caught up to him, and he may just need to auction off his favorite painting. In comes MI-5, led by his frenemy, Alistair Martland ( Ewan MacGregor ), who's in love with Mortdecai's wife, Johanna ( Gwyneth Paltrow ). Apparently, an art restorer has been murdered, and the Goya she was working on has disappeared. Where could it be, and who's after it? Also: Will Mortdecai's wife ever kiss him again now that he's grown a mustache?

Is It Any Good?

This is not exactly the recipe for a successful action comedy. Here's a clue to how tedious a movie is: If, while you're watching, you're mentally trying to recast the main part to imagine what it would be like were it played by an accomplished comedian of the likes of Steve Martin or Will Ferrell just so you can imagine the film hitting some sort of stride, things aren't going swimmingly. Such is the case with MORTDECAI. To be fair, it does have something going for it, mainly the supporting cast, especially MacGregor and Paltrow, who manage to rise above it all and squeeze some joy out of their parts.

Alas, not Depp. With Mortdecai, he's fashioned yet another character made of very specific eccentricities, making him altogether unreal and inauthentic. And while there is, of course, much latitude when it comes to comedies -- bigger personalities do exist in this genre -- Depp's Mortdecai doesn't feel real in any scale, rendering him unapproachable and, worse, tiresomely affected. Plus, the script lacks energy -- and humor.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

Families can talk about Mortdecai 's tone. Is it more of an action movie or a comedy? Who do you think it's intended to appeal to? Would it work as well with less-edgy content?

Does the comedy in the film justify the means that Mortdecai takes to make his situation right?

Why do you think Mortdecai finds himself in this particular pickle: Is he a charlatan or simply inept?

Movie Details

• In theaters : January 23, 2015
• On DVD or streaming : May 12, 2015
• Cast : Johnny Depp , Ewan McGregor , Gwyneth Paltrow
• Director : David Koepp
• Inclusion Information : Female actors
• Studio : Lionsgate
• Genre : Comedy
• Run time : 106 minutes
• MPAA rating : R
• MPAA explanation : some language and sexual material
• Last updated : June 29, 2024

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‘mortdecai’: film review.

Johnny Depp indulges his inner clown playing the boozy aristocratic anti-hero from a series of cult British comic novels.

By Stephen Dalton

Stephen Dalton

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Any film credited with its own “mustache wrangler” really should have been much more fun than Johnny Depp ‘s latest misfiring action-comedy. Mostly set in contemporary England, but aiming for the zingy retro feel of a vintage Peter Sellers or Terry-Thomas feature from the Swinging Sixties, Mortdecai is an anachronistic mess that never succeeds in re-creating the breezy tone or snappy rhythm of the classic caper movies that it aims to pastiche. Despite a heavyweight cast and the solid directing skills of A-list screenwriter David Koepp ( Jurassic Park, Panic Room, Spider-Man ), this charmless farce ends up as another black mark on Depp’s recent track record of patchy pet projects.

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Mortdecai is based on the first in a series of irreverent comic novels by Kyril Bonfiglioli , a British author of Italian and Slovenian heritage. Published in the 1970s, the books chronicle the amoral antics of aristocratic British art dealer Lord Charlie Mortdecai (Depp), who is aided on his drink-sodden adventures by his thuggish but resourceful and sexually irresistible manservant Jock Strapp ( Paul Bettany ). Sharing some of his hero’s louche habits in real life, Bonfiglioli battled with poverty and alcoholism, dying of cirrhosis in 1985.

The Bottom Line Rhymes with: mortify

Depp plays Mortdecai as a human Looney Tunes character, a snobbish playboy narcissist so enamored of his comically absurd new moustache that he risks driving his disapproving wife Johanna ( Gwyneth Paltrow ) to divorce. Teetering on the brink of bankruptcy in his grand, stately home, the disreputable gap-toothed rogue spots a chance to escape financial ruin when a rare Goya canvas goes missing after a lethal robbery. Grudgingly recruited for his art-world expertise by suave MI5 agent and longtime love rival Alistair Martland ( Ewan McGregor ), Mortdecai jets off around the globe on a mission to find the stolen painting and exploit the priceless secret rumored to be hidden on its reverse side.

Depp is known for channeling real role models into his characters, often drawing on his musician heroes, most famously Keith Richards in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. In his accent and mannerisms, Charlie Mortdecai appears to owe a heavy debut to the small-screen creations of Depp’s friend, the British TV comedian Paul Whitehouse . Depp has previously guested on Whitehouse’s long-running BBC sketch comedy The Fast Show , and frequently offers him supporting roles in his film projects, including this one. Here he plays Mortdecai’s colorfully foul-mouthed car mechanic, who also has a shady sideline fencing stolen artworks.

Mortdecai is stuffed with star names and classic farce ingredients, but its fatal flaw is an almost surreal lack of jokes. The main players spend almost every scene mugging desperately for the camera, milking every possible lowbrow sexual innuendo and clumsy slapstick mishap in novice screenwriter Eric Aronson ‘s thin script. Ironically, these overcooked performances are often more hindrance than help when the occasional funny line arises.

While Depp’s fruity English accent is palatable enough, McGregor’s smarmy approximation sounds forced and unconvincing. Only Paltrow emerges from this farrago with any real acting credit, playing Johanna with straight-faced understatement while all around her are losing their heads.

On the page, Mortdecai and Strapp are clearly uncouth cousins of P.G.  Wodehouse ‘s Jeeves and Wooster. On screen, their boorish mannerisms and retro attitudes owe more to Austin Powers . But while Mike Myers found rich humor in the gap between a chauvinistic past and politically correct present, much of the labored comedy in Mortdecai relies on dated stereotypes unredeemed by any hint of post-modern irony. Women are insatiable nymphomaniacs who enjoy being groped, Americans vulgar materialists, Brits upper-class dimwits, and so on. These caricatures are too crude to be offensive, but also too stale and lazy to be funny.

The final set piece, which takes place at an upmarket London art auction house, brings all the characters and subplots together in an orgy of cartoonish violence and triple-cross deceptions that quickly becomes tiresome. For all its minor offenses against taste and decency, the sole unforgivable sin that Mortdecai commits is one that would leave its rakish anti-hero aghast. Because the film that bears his name is ultimately a frightful, crashing bore.

Production companies: Infinitum Nihil, Mad Chance Productions, Odd Lot Entertainment Cast: Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany, Ewan McGregor, Olivia Munn , Jeff Goldblum Director: David Koepp Screenwriter: Eric Aronson Producers: Christi Dembrowski, Johnny Depp, Andrew Lazar, Patrick McCormick Cinematographer: Florian Hoffmeister Editor: Jill Savitt Music: Mark Ronson, Geoff Zanelli Production designer: James Merifield Casting: Elaine Grainger, John Papsidera Mustache wrangler: Joel Harlow

Rated R, 107 minutes

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Mortdecai Reviews

I feel as though “Mortdecai” revolves around a continuous inside joke that I was never let in on. Surely a comedy can’t be this anemic, lame, and humorless.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5 | Aug 24, 2022

This madcap caper exists only to provide an excuse for the movie's crude zaniness and gratingly repetitive gags.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/4 | Jul 12, 2022

Capers flicks of a bygone era had a swingin', hip feel of controlled chaos not overplayed farce but Depp is pedal-to-the-metal, quirking-it-up in a display completely without charm and worse, without wit.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5 | Feb 2, 2021

Despite some visual pizzazz, a few adept verbal jousts, and a jazzy soundtrack, the vast majority of the film just isn't very funny.

Full Review | Original Score: 4/10 | Dec 4, 2020

It's hard not to think that this is one project that looked a whole lot funnier on paper.

Full Review | Original Score: 2.0/4.0 | Sep 17, 2020

Mortdecai is a scattershot comedy caper film ... destined to fall into that rotation of films you always see on cable networks and wonder if anyone is actually watching them.

Full Review | Jul 3, 2020

It was misguided at every junction.

Full Review | May 27, 2020

It was a low-rent Wes Anderson movie.

Full Review | Mar 26, 2020

As I said earlier, it isn't good enough or bad enough to even get a real reaction.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/5 | Jan 11, 2020

Mortdecai is an okay film that will struggle to find a U.S. audience. A character is given a silly mustache to set the tone right away, and the tone in entirety is just that- silly.

Full Review | Original Score: 6.3/10 | Nov 12, 2019

Depp's exaggerated mannerisms and affected speech are sure to infuriate his detractors and please those who enjoy his long line of goofy character creations.

Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/5 | Aug 6, 2019

It doesn't take an expert in fine art to see that this is a cold, soulless knockoff of a true masterpiece.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/5 | May 17, 2019

It tries way too hard, getting very few laughs out of a usually pretty reliable cast.

Full Review | Original Score: D+ | Jan 24, 2019

Most caper comedies understand the need to pepper their expository scenes with sight gags. Nothing brings what should be a fun heist flick to a dead halt like two poorly lit actors sitting opposite each other reading out the plot scenario.

Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5 | Dec 11, 2018

I feel "Mortdecai" went into production on the sole premise of "Johnny Depp wears a silly moustache," and people thought the poster would look funny, and at some point someone realized they needed a script.

Full Review | Aug 22, 2018

Mortdecai is just simply horrible

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5 | Dec 2, 2017

The rarest kind of awful comedy, where even the characters themselves tangibly hate the movie they're in.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/10 | Jul 10, 2016

The movie is a worthy warning to Hollywood at large: if you're going to make a comedy, hire some damn comedians.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5 | Apr 15, 2016

There's nothing worse than a film that's laughing at itself while the auditorium is silent, and while Mortdecai inspires a few chuckles, it never fully delivers.

Full Review | Original Score: C- | Feb 25, 2016

He's a character of a bygone age of literature and film plopped down into this time and place but with no realization that anything is different. All in all, you could certainly do a lot worse for a January release.

Full Review | Original Score: 3/5 | Jan 2, 2016

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Mortdecai, film review: Johnny Depp is good value but the dialogue is dull and dim-witted

(12a) david koepp, 107 mins starring: johnny depp, gwyneth paltrow, ewan mcgregor, paul bettany, article bookmarked.

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Mortdecai is reminiscent of some of the wildly misfiring comedies that Peter Sellers used to make in the 1960s and 1970s – the worst of the Pink Panther films, or the star-studded fiascoes such as the 1967 Casino Royale. There are some laughs along the way but not nearly enough of them.

Johnny Depp, at least initially, is good value as the gap-toothed British aristocrat and art-thief hero, forever preening his moustache and speaking in a leering voice that is part Uncle Monty and part Leslie Phillips. As his wife, Johanna, Gwyneth Paltrow enjoys adopting a very supercilious English accent and playing the upper-class English rose type. There is a funny cameo from Depp's old mucker Paul Whitehouse as a Spanish car mechanic and some of the slapstick involving Paul Bettany as his priapic, injury-prone manservant Jock Strapp just about works in its own sub-Benny Hill way.

The downside is an incredibly convoluted script involving a stolen Goya painting, random changes of location (we are whisked, for no particular reason, from London to Moscow to LA), too many gags involving vomit and rotting cheese, and some incredibly dull and dim-witted dialogue that would barely have passed muster in a bad British 1970s sitcom.

The director David Koepp is a distinguished screenwriter but, on this evidence, he doesn't have much flair for staging comedy. The producers have suggested this might be the start of a Mortdecai franchise, but it is hard to see much point in giving the old cove a second outing.

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Mortdecai (2015)

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Review by Brian Eggert January 22, 2015

Lowbrow parades as highbrow in Mortdecai , a bauble-of-a-movie hoping to become the next generation of Pink Panther style comedies about an inept detective of sorts. Johnny Depp plays Charlie Mortdecai, a scampish fine art dealer who, well-versed in the trading and thievery of art, occupies a throwback farce akin to Gambit , How to Steal a Million , and the Inspector Clouseau series (all titles from the 1960s). Hollywood already tried—and quite miserably failed—to rehash such material last year with the Coen Brothers-scripted, Michael Hoffman-directed remake Gambit . And Mortdecai is just slightly more tolerable, if only because its cast and production values are top-drawer. Still, this madcap caper exists only to provide an excuse for the movie’s crude zaniness and gratingly repetitive gags.

An all-star cast assembles for director David Koepp, whose experience as the screenwriter of Jurassic Park and Mission: Impossible gives way to his recent, certainly lesser directorial aspirations. Until now, Koepp has proven a versatile workhorse filmmaker with solid genre exercises to his credit. His spooky thrillers Stir of Echoes (1999) and Secret Window (2004) at least benefited from his own contributions to those screenplays, as did his underrated comedy Ghost Town (2008) and his impressive actioner Premium Rush (2012). This isn’t the case with Mortdecai . Koepp directs and scripter Eric Aronson (whose sole credit prior to this was the Lance Bass movie On the Line from 2001) works from Kyril Bonfiglioli’s 1973 novel Don’t Point That Thing at Me , one of the author’s four books about the Charlie Mortdecai character.

Alongside his central star, Koepp wrangles a cast of attractive faces including Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Olivia Munn, and Jeff Goldblum—all of whom take a distant second seat to Depp. The actor’s overwrought performance as a proper, yet absurdist English chap relies on Peter Sellers-level silly mannerisms. Mortdecai’s dim-witted, slight effeminate persona in Depp’s hands feels like the actor combined a number of earlier roles into one (if his Ed Wood and Ichabod Crane had a baby with his Hunter S. Thompson, and became a well-to-do British aristocrat, the child might be something like Depp’s Mortdecai). Followed by his tough, Cockney manservant Jock (Bettany), who’s always getting Mortdecai out of harm’s way, our hero is a bungling idiot. It’s no wonder that a subplot involves his wife Johanna (Patrol) flirting with a former college suitor-turned-MI5 agent Martland (McGregor); we’re constantly asking ourselves what this otherwise intelligent woman sees in such a man.

Mortdecai is all about putting a buffoon into a situation and allowing him to mess it all up. Around him are a number of straight characters, present to smooth things over as he perpetuates out-of-control situations. Jock, Johanna, and Martland each trail behind Mortdecai, picking up the pieces in one manner or another. Much like Trance , the caper itself involves a long-thought-lost Goya painting and a number of unscrupulous parties invested in recovering it. Since Mortdecai is an expert in such things, Martland tasks him to locate the painting, in part to settle the Mortdecai Estate’s past due balance to the country for previous indiscretions. While barely managing to stay alive and not come up with a single original idea, Mortdecai aimlessly floats from one locale to another, and finally takes part in a switcheroo at an art auction.

Several ongoing comedic bits consume the movie. None of them produce a laugh. There’s a recurring bit about Mortdecai’s unfortunate habit of shooting Jock by accident. Another concerns Jock’s talent for shagging random women. Yet another involves the barf-o-rama that ensues after an L.A. party serves bad shellfish. No recurring bit is more prevalent than the one about Mortdecai’s new mustache, which Johanna despises and causes her to gag, in turn causing Mortdecai to gag because he has a “sympathetic gag reflex.” (The gagging bit goes on and on too.) He’s proud of his coiffed upper lip, as mustaches run in his family, and so he stubbornly refuses to shave. Dull repetition also appears as the movie hops from Moscow to London to Los Angeles, and Koepp ties everything together with zoomy transitions that spin the movie’s locations like a cheap CG globe.

Though Mortdecai tries to pass a lesser painting off by hiding a masterpiece behind the surface in the movie’s climax, there’s nothing brilliant underneath this movie (except maybe the posh interiors as shot by cinematographer Florian Hoffmeister). But plot twists and double-crosses seem less important than the prevalence of moustache-, potty-, and sex-related humor. Strangely, the movie has been R-rated for language (one negligible derivation of “fuck”) and brief nudity, but those moments were throwaways and could have been trimmed for a wider PG-13 audience. Indeed, few adults will savor the grueling unfunny and childish brand of humor (for example, Jock’s last name is Strapp). The movie is better suited for younger audiences—namely those who enjoyed the Austin Powers series, or those who might find Depp’s cartoony, over-gestured onscreen presence entertaining, or those who haven’t yet grown tired of this actor’s neverending pageant of outlandish characters.

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• DVD & Streaming
• Action/Adventure , Comedy

Content Caution

In Theaters

• January 23, 2015
• Johnny Depp as Mortdecai; Gwyneth Paltrow as Johanna; Paul Bettany as Jock; Ewan McGregor as Inspector Martland; Olivia Munn as Georgina; Jeff Goldblum as Krampf

Home Release Date

• May 12, 2015
• David Koepp

Distributor

Positive Elements   |   Spiritual Elements   |   Sexual & Romantic Content   |   Violent Content   |   Crude or Profane Language   |   Drug & Alcohol Content   |   Other Noteworthy Elements   | Conclusion

Movie Review

Lord Charlie Mortdecai is broke.

Well, as broke as a lord like him can be. After all, he still has a few days to come up with the 8 or 10 million pounds he needs to pay back taxes and the like. But, surely, with a bit of footwork and a little madcap Mortdecai elbow grease he can liquidate some of his estate’s lesser artworks and come up with the needed cash.

He’s even grown a very dashing mustache to show how serious he is in his quest. All the Mortdecai men, at some point, have grown a splash of debonair facial hair as a way of putting their best face forward, so to speak. And this is Charlie’s time.

Now, the fact that his impossibly leggy wife, Johanna, gags every time she even considers kissing his newly hairy upper lip is a tad disconcerting. But he’ll work through that. Wasn’t it Margaret Thatcher who once said, “Kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt”? So that settles it! This is a new look and a new beginning for one Charlie Mortdecai.

And, indeed, no sooner has he grown out the first stages of his suave soup-strainer than his old college friend, MI5 Inspector Martland, approaches him with a case that will surely set his financial house aright. There is a murder to solve and a missing Goya painting to find, it seems. All Charlie need do is use his numerous art dealer contacts and find a few clues to the mystery.

Granted, there’s something dark in the midst of this tomfoolery. There are Russian thugs and an international terrorist in the mix. And even rumors of some rather nasty characters seeking out Nazi gold. But pishposh, Charlie can handle himself. Besides, his manservant, Jock, is a loyal sort and good with his fists. Together they can take care of anything dangerous that may pop up along the way.

Ah, this is all starting to feel so positive. Good breeding, good looks and a good mustache. What else does one possibly need?

A cleaner telling of the story, maybe?

Positive Elements

For all their flirtations with the idea of having an affair with someone else, both Charlie and Johanna ultimately make it clear that they’re dedicated to their marriage. And both are willing to make sacrifices to maintain that relationship. Jock repeatedly puts himself in danger to fight off Charlie’s attackers.

Spiritual Elements

Sexual & romantic content.

Early on it’s stated that Jock has the ability to bed nearly any attractive female he happens upon. To prove it, apparently, we’re shown a number of his conquests in various states of undress—from a woman sporting an unbuttoned shirt to a lady dressed in nothing but panties and a cleavage-boosting top. In one case we hear Jock and his girlfriend (for the night) having loud sex in the next room over. And in another we see him and another woman—who turns out to be a newly minted mother who just stepped away for a moment from her husband and child—after they’ve had sex in an airplane’s lavatory.

When Charlie and Jock fly to Los Angeles, Charlie makes note of the fleshy sensuality on display around them (in the form of scantily clad women). “I feel as if we’ve taken a wrong turn and walked onto the set of a pornographic film,” he quips. While in the States, Charlie also meets up with a wealthy American businessman named Krampf and his “nympho” daughter Georgina. Georgina soon invites him to fondle and squeeze her breasts, and later makes other seductive moves on him. Krampf interrupts them but says there will likely still be time for Charlie to have sex with his daughter before dinner. Georgina and another man openly kiss and grope each other.

Johanna and Georgina both wear formfitting and revealing outfits that the camera gladly ogles. Johanna wears skimpy nightclothes, and we see her from the back (waist up) as she slips naked into a bathtub with Charlie. After a flirtatious interaction, Charlie walks out of his wife’s bedroom sporting a very visible (clothed) erection. In a flashback, a college student walks in on Johanna and Charlie’s sexual interlude. (The pair is naked but strategically covered.) We see a number of classical nude paintings hanging on the walls. Charlie makes mention of attending Eaton University where “b-ggery” was rampant. Thinly veiled sex jokes and double entendres pepper the script, dealing with topics ranging from infidelity to lust.

Violent Content

We see a woman slump over dead after being shot in the back with an arrow. A man keels over on his desk when he’s stabbed to death. One thug nearly lops off one of Charlie’s fingers with a large knife, and others attempt to do the same to Jock. Mobsters pull down Charlie’s pants and move to attach a car battery to his boxer-clad testicles.

On a number of occasions Jock takes on several foes at a time in visceral fistfights, smashing windows, doors, tables, shelves and various other bits of scenery around them. He’s set on fire. He’s attacked by a Doberman Pinscher. He’s shot multiple times.

Various car chases result in lots of smashed sheet metal and people being thrown around. A guy is thumped in the head by a chunk of wood. A man swings a straight razor while fighting in a car. Some stumbling buffoonery results in a chain reaction explosion that blows out an entire hotel room. Somebody gets sprayed in the face with Mace.

Crude or Profane Language

Two f-words. Three or four uses each of “d–n” and “h—.” And one or two each of “b–ch,” “b–tard” “bloody” and “b-gger.” Unusual yet evocative crudities are used to describe anatomical body parts (“bismark,” “bone” and “tagger” among them). Jesus’ and God’s names are misused a couple of times apiece.

Drug & Alcohol Content

Charlie generally has a glass of something like port at hand wherever he goes—from his sitting room to the back of his limo to the bathtub. In fact, Charlie directly addresses his unquenchable need for alcohol, saying, “I’ll have you know that I am not an alcoholic, I’m a drunkard. There’s a difference.”

And Charlie’s not alone in that department. Nearly everyone else around him is ready to down a glass or two at any bar or social gathering. Even Inspector Martland is instantly eager for a glass of wine, while on duty or not.

Charlie gets injected with some kind of knockout drug. And a vial of some noxious drug is sprinkled over a banquet table, causing some to get violently ill.

Other Noteworthy Elements

That last scene is rife with vomit-filled sight gags.

In the mid- to late-1970s, English author Kyril Bonfiglioli created a very popular four-part series of comic-thriller novels about an aristocratic toff of an art dealer who unravels mysteries with the aid of his manservant Jock. To some, I’m sure the prospect of transferring that quirky and dryly British world to the big screen held a lot of promise. And, of course, who else would Hollywood hotshots pick but Johnny Depp to play the lead?

Those moviegoers hoping to step into a farcical, immersive cinematic world filled with jolly good charm and wit, however, are going to be sorely disappointed. Yes, Mr. Depp certainly wraps himself up gleefully in his prancing and roguishly mustachioed narcissistic character. But, quite frankly, words such as charming , witty and, well, even moderately amusing don’t apply in the slightest to this film or its cast.

The vintage post-swinging ’60s feel that the filmmakers were shooting for never quite congeals other than in the form of a fun musical underscore. The overwrought crime-caper script is rambling and borderline boring. And besides a running mustache gag that’s worth a grin or two, the sparse and sometimes shrill humor falls much closer to Austin Powers raunch than Inspector Clouseau madcap.

After spending more than two decades touring, directing, writing and producing for Christian theater and radio (most recently for Adventures in Odyssey, which he still contributes to), Bob joined the Plugged In staff to help us focus more heavily on video games. He is also one of our primary movie reviewers.

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Mortdecai movie review

Not as mortifying as you might think..

A pleasant, if defiantly silly diversion

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Mortdecai Reviews

• 27   Metascore
• 1 hr 47 mins
• Drama, Comedy, Action & Adventure
• Watchlist Where to Watch

In this delightfully whimsical action comedy, a roguish art dealer seeks a stolen painting that could hold the code to a forgotten Nazi bank account filled with riches.

Oh the dismal depths to which Johnny Depp has sunk. The actor’s latest misfire, in which he plays a degenerate and nearly broke art dealer who dabbles in the black market, is an abysmal would-be comedy that sees the quickly falling star delivering a performance that’s as hammy and unfunny as it is dull and embarrassing. Someone, perhaps his manager or agent, should stage a career intervention ASAP. Mortdecai, based on Kyril Bonfiglioli’s irreverent 1973 novel Don’t Point That Thing at Me, is a dud from the get-go. The first scene, set in an upscale restaurant where Mortdecai attempts to unload a supposedly priceless vase on a suspicious thug and his henchmen, tries to achieve the same kind of comic, adventurous spirit that Steven Spielberg brought to the opening of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, in which chaos and gunfire erupt in a nightclub. But director David Koepp, who wrote or co-wrote War of the Worlds, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and the first two Jurassic Park movies for Spielberg, is, unfortunately, no Spielberg. The scene fails to produce any laughs or thrills, and falls as flat as Depp’s late-stage career. Unfortunately, it’s all downhill from there. So, what is this mess of a movie about? Mortdecai is hired by an MI5 agent (a miscast Ewan McGregor) who is not-so-secretly in love with his gorgeous wife Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow) to find a stolen Goya painting before it lands in the hands of a known terrorist, who will use it to fund his evil endeavors. Mortdecai accepts the mission; frankly, he has to, because the agent is aware of his dirty dealings in the art world and will prosecute him on a number of charges if he declines. But Mortdecai believes there is an invaluable secret hidden on the reverse side of the Goya, and it will make him rich again and bring an end to his financial woes. From there the story jets off to London, Moscow, and Los Angeles in an effort to find the missing masterwork and create silly mayhem along the way, but not a single laugh or chuckle is found. It’s not for want of trying: The movie tirelessly trots out three different running gags in an attempt to get viewers to laugh. The first and least funny focuses on Mortdecai’s newly grown mustache, which makes Johanna gag whenever she kisses him. The second involves Mortdecai’s inept handling of firearms, which continually end in his loyal manservant and bodyguard Jock Strapp (clever, huh?) being shot. The third revolves around Jock’s insatiable sexual appetite. Mortdecai desperately tries to invoke the same kind of light, breezy tone that the Pink Panther movies achieved with seemingly effortless flare. But those films were anchored by the brilliant Peter Sellers, a comic genius, and directed by Blake Edwards, who knew a thing or two about cinematic comedy. Suffice it to say that the missing Goya painting is eventually found and terrorism is averted. But the bigger mysteries raised by the movie are left unanswered. Among those questions: Is Johnny Depp capable of headlining another decent film whose title doesn’t begin with “Pirates”? What did David Koepp, who also helped write Spider-Man and Mission: Impossible, see in Eric Aronson’s laugh-free script that made him want to direct it? And why is Mortdecai rated R? It isn’t vulgar, violent, or filled with profanity. With a couple of minor trims the movie could easily have been rated PG-13, and thus might have attracted a family audience. As it stands now, families will stay away and the picture isn’t raunchy enough to attract older teens or young adults. It’s a missed opportunity on all fronts. Mortdecai is for die-hard Johnny Depp fans only, if there are any left -- but even they would be wise to avoid this disaster.

Mortdecai Review

23 Jan 2015

107 minutes

A cross between The Fast Show’s “very, very drunk” Rowley Birkin QC and a particularly randy dandy, Johnny Depp’s Charlie Mortdecai is a degenerate art dealer who prats about the globe in this hyperposh panto based on the comic crime novels of Kyril Bonfiglioli. Broad and bonkers, the film revels in its verbosity – Jeff Goldblum is a “thick-fingered vulgarian” – but lacks solid jokes, instead relying on the outlandishness of its arch characters and some upper-class farce to see it through. Very close to disastrous, there's an unavoidable feeling that Gwyneth Paltrow and co. are having much more fun than you are, what?

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Review:  ‘Mortdecai’ mostly hits its madcap mark with zany Johnny Depp

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It’s hard to say exactly who the audience is for the zany curio “Mortdecai.” But those who do find their way into this supremely silly action-mystery caper are in for a few grins if not laughs thanks largely to the deft — and daft — performance of Johnny Depp in the title role.

As goofball English aristocrat, puckish bon vivant and underhanded art dealer Charlie Mortdecai, Depp channels such British funnymen as Peter Sellers and Terry-Thomas (replete with the latter’s gap teeth), as well as Mike Myers in the “Austin Powers” series, while still putting his own irrepressible spin on the whole madcap charade. It’s limber comedic work from one of acting’s best-known chameleons.

And if the rest of the movie, directed by David Koepp (“Premium Rush,” “Secret Window”), isn’t quite as memorable as Depp’s screwball stylings, it’s a mostly zippy, well turned-out concoction. Translated: It’s better than expected.

With a script by Eric Aronson based on the 1973 Kyril Bonfiglioli novel, “Don’t Point That Thing at Me,” “Mortdecai” is set in the present but drips with a swinging ‘60s vibe, including an enjoyably spoofy retro score. The story finds Mortdecai and his lovely, far brainier wife, Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow, returning to her “Shakespeare in Love” accenting), facing an 8-million pound tax debt and forced to liquidate the contents of their country manor.

Enter British Secret Service officer Alistair Martland (a dashing Ewan McGregor), who reluctantly hires old college frenemy Mortdecai to help recover a purloined Goya painting whose restorer was just murdered. It also puts Martland back in front of the fetching Johanna, for whom the MI5 agent has long carried a torch.

The mission leads Mortdecai, his loyal and tough shag-happy manservant, Jock (Paul Bettany), and later Johanna on a globe-trotting search. They go from London to Moscow to, as the snobby Charlie would have it, “a terribly vulgar place called Los Angeles,” to recapture the missing masterpiece and return the Mortdecais to financial solvency. (Eye-popping whoosh-zoom graphics accompany the film’s many location jumps.)

Scads of nutty, cartoonish action and wacky scenarios ensue as Mortdecai and company try to stay one step ahead of Emil Strago (Jonny Pasvolsky), a wild-haired revolutionary who wants the Goya to finance a worldwide uprising.

An L.A. billionaire (Jeff Goldblum) and his come-hither daughter (Olivia Munn) also factor into the whirling plot, which gets convoluted — even by farcical standards — by the time it reaches a climactic art auction.

Too much is made here of Mortdecai’s eccentric twirl of a mustache, particularly how Johanna’s distaste for it shuts her down romantically (though the gag reflex the odd facial hair inspires is pretty funny.) Like much else in this scattershot comedy, less might have been more. Fortunately, enough hits its mark — or at least comes close — to recommend “Mortdecai” as a rollicking, check-your-brains-at-the-door diversion.

------------

“Mortdecai”

MPAA rating: R for language, sexual material

Running time: 1 hour, 46 minutes

Playing: In general release

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"Crude Art Farce"

What You Need To Know:

(PaPa, B, LL, VV, SS, NN, AA, D, MM) Strong pagan worldview, mitigated by some moral elements, including marriage is extolled as protagonist and his wife are shown to be happily married; 10 obscenities (including two “f” words), one strong profanity using Jesus, seven light profanities such as “Oh God,” “Good Lord,” and “Dear God,” some British vulgarities like “bullocks,” one or two references to passing gas, and two scenes with vomiting; lots of comical action violence such as numerous slapstick, cartoonish gunfights and fistfights, a terrific scene of comical fencing/swordplay, thugs threaten to electrically shock protagonists private parts but he escapes, a hotel room is rigged to explode and does, causing property damage but not hurting anyone, a packed drinking bar accidentally goes up in flames though no one is hurt, and a funny car chase ends in a crash without anyone hurt; no explicit depicted sex but strong references overall includes man stumbles on a couple in bed, and it’s implied they’re nude, but the woman is strategically covered up, many double entendres and innuendoes intended for comedy (some are more crude than others), sounds of sex coming from next hotel room, comical sexual references, man’s moustache is compared to a woman’s private parts, woman tries to seduce married protagonist but fails, couple in bath together, but nothing explicit shown, married couple flirts with one another; painting shows upper female nudity, two women in very small bikinis, female cleavage, upper male nudity in bath scene, and implied nudity; much alcohol use; a painting shows Winston Churchill smoking cigar; and, strong miscellaneous immorality includes much deception, stealing and double-crosses, but couple repays their debts and restore a stolen painting to its proper place.

More Detail:

MORTDECAI is an action comedy about a comically unethical, globetrotting art dealer and his battle for a missing painting with secret codes worth millions. It has a strong pagan worldview, with plenty of innuendo intended to be funny and some foul language, mitigated by a few moral elements, especially toward the end when the lead characters do the right thing.

MORTDECAI stars Johnny Depp as Charlie Mortdecai, a wealthy, but financially imperiled, shady art dealer who travels the globe selling famous paintings at overpriced levels. His tendency to sell paintings that aren’t supposed to be sold (classics that are supposed to be in museums) for outrageous amounts frequently gets him into trouble and requires him to have an assistant named Jock (Paul Bettany), who’s always ready to help Mortdecai fight or shoot his way out of a tense situation with angry customers. Mortdecai’s other main associate is his wife Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow), who jumps in to save the day when necessary.

As the movie opens, the couple are eight million pounds in debt to the British government in back taxes. Consequently, they are obligated to help out when an old friend of theirs, an MI-5 inspector named Martland (Ewan McGregor), shows up and asks them to help track down a painting by the famed artist Goya that’s been stolen and is being pursued by a Syrian terrorist.

Mortdecai and Johanna come to realize that the painting in question has long been rumored to have been in Nazi hands at one point, and that the back of the frame has codes to a bank account worth millions. While trying to get their hands on the painting for the British government, Mortdecai, Johanna and Jock must battle numerous private collectors dying to get their hands on the painting, along with the terrorist, some Russian spies, and assorted other angry past clients who want revenge for Mortdecai’s scheming by ripping him off in return. Globetrotting comic escapades ensue.

The studio didn’t have any advanced screenings for MORTDECAI, and most critics have savaged it as being heavy-handed. However, the audience that MOVIEGUIDE® saw it with laughed and chuckled throughout. Depp’s character is an utterly self-absorbed twit who, in a running gag, values his new mustache more than his wife (who hates it and threatens to leave him if he won’t shave it off).

MORTDECAI resembles the AUSTIN POWERS movies, if they were made in the lush visual style of Wes Anderson, the creator THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL. Also, like the Austin Powers movie, there are sexual innuendos at a rapid clip throughout the movie. Most of them are still less crass than those uttered by Mike Myers in the Austin Powers movies, but they push the boundaries of tastefulness. For example, in one of them, Mortdecai makes a crude comment about the Queen when talking about his tax debt. An example of one of the lighter ones is when Mortdecai asks Johanna how she’s doing as she precariously stands on a toilet trying to take the Goya painting off a wall, she replies tartly, “Great, for a woman who’s standing on a loo holding an old man’s Goya.”

Mortdecai and Martland, the MI-5 agent, were romantic rivals for Johanna in college. There is a brief flashback to those days when Martland stumbles across Mortdecai and Johanna engaged in illicit activity, in an implied nude scene. So, later, there is some teasing between the men. For example, Martland keeps joking that he’ll step in and replace Mortdecai if Johanna chooses to leave him over the mustache or their poor finances. Nothing ever comes of the teasing, however, and all three are ultimately just close friends.

In addition to the lewd content mentioned above, MORTDECAI also contains some foul language, including two “f” words, eight other obscenities and some profanities, one of which is strong. There is also plenty of comic action violence throughout, with shootings, bodies found stabbed, a couple of accidental fires, and a very funny car chase, but all of it is played at a level that’s cartoonish and relatively inoffensive. In addition, a painting shows upper female nudity. Finally, Mortdecai drinks a lot, but there are no scenes of drunkenness.

MORTDECAI has its moments of silly fun. Also, marriage seems to be extolled. However, MOVIEGUIDE® advises extreme caution for the movie’s foul language and stronger innuendoes.

We Took On The Difficult Task Of Ranking Hayao Miyazaki Movies

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Can you even rank the output of such a legendary filmmaker? We gave it a shot

Hayao Miyazaki is a legendary director and animator whose entire filmography is exceptional, so ranking his films is no easy feat. You’d be hard-pressed to find a “bad” film from the Studio Ghibli co-founder, so this piece is more about ranking from great to masterpiece rather than from good to bad. Miyazaki’s meticulously crafted, hand-drawn animations are colorful and imaginative spectacles with strong female characters, fascinating fantasy creatures, and strong takes on environmental justice.

Hayao Miyazaki’s films may be animated, but they explore mature coming-of-age themes such as developing compassion, individuality, strength, and independence. There’s a deep and thought-provoking wisdom beneath his exciting adventures and magical worlds, which makes his films resonate with audiences of all ages. Read on to see how I ranked each of Hayao Miyazaki’s masterpieces, and see if you agree.

12. The Castle of Cagliostro (1979)

It’s unfair to compare Castle of Cagliostro to Hayao Miyazaki’s other films because it was not only his feature film debut but also part of the Lupin III franchise, a popular manga and anime series about legendary thief Arsène Lupin going on daring heists around the world. This time, he wants to rescue Princess Clarisse from being forced to marry a count. This is not one of Miyazaki’s more personal and imaginative stories about environmental justice, coming of age, or resilient female leads, but it does have some enjoyable broad comedy.

The animation is not as intricate as in his later films, but you can certainly see Miyazaki’s flair for whimsy in the thrilling set pieces such as car chases, clock-tower fights, and villains getting trapped in a castle’s catacombs. Castle of Cagliostro is a romp, and though it doesn’t reach the heights of the rest of Miyazaki’s filmography, it’s exciting to see the kernels of what the legendary director would become known for.

11. Porco Rosso (1992)

Porco Rosso is one of Hayao Miyazaki’s silliest films, telling a tale about a World War I fighter pilot who is turned into a pig. With his devil-may-care attitude and salty humor, the various hijinks he gets into are a delight to watch. As with most of Miyazaki’s films, the highlights are invigorating action scenes (in this case, aerial ones) that show off fast-paced, slick animation.

The surly Porco humorously contrasts with the strong-minded female characters like Fio, the plane repairwoman, and Gina, who is in love with him and unfazed by his pig-like appearance, and since Porco exudes so much confidence, her love seems perfectly believable. Porco Rosso is a playful adventure that lightly touches on much deeper themes of wartime trauma and fascism, in ways that only Miyazaki can.

10. Ponyo (2008)

Ponyo is one of Hayao Miyazaki’s most light-hearted films and an adaptation of Hans Christen Andersen’s The Little Mermaid . A five-year-old boy named Sosuke discovers a goldfish that wants to be a human little girl—even though this upsets the balance of nature and is against the wishes of her father, a sorcerer who lives in the depths of the ocean. After she gains the ability to become human and chooses to stay on land, a giant tsunami wreaks havoc on Sosuke’s coastal town, satellites fall from the sky, and the moon spins out of orbit.

Despite this, there’s lots of adorable, family-friendly humor to be found in Ponyo’s misunderstanding of life on land, along with quirks like her obsession with ham and the gleeful wiggling of her new toes. The story is thin and predictable, not quite as profound as Hayao Miyazaki’s more original fantasies, but the visuals of Ponyo’s underwater world are truly stunning—the vibrant schools of sea creatures, the amoebas, and the fish-shaped waves that Ponyo skims across are all eye-popping.

9. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind is grand in scale and has powerful ecological messages, with a story of two nearby nations at war amidst an environmental wasteland. Nausicaä is the first of many of Miyazaki’s intelligent and brave heroines who must navigate a post-apocalyptic world. Her adventure takes her the Toxic Jungle, a thicket of giant plants, fungi, and huge, creepy-crawly insects, in search of hope and healing.

There’s a lot of visual variety in this film’s landscapes, from the rolling green hills and peaceful windmills of Nausicaä’s country home to ancient, magical ruins and dense, mysterious forests. But the highlights of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind are its action-packed flying scenes in which Nausicaä soars swiftly on her glider while warriors maneuver their giant bomber-like planes around her. It’s a rousing journey that is clearly in awe of both the beauty and mystery of nature, reminding us of our duty to protect our planet.

8. Castle in the Sky (1986)

The title itself, Castle in the Sky , brings to mind an otherworldly spectacle, and the film gives us one: Laputa is a magical kingdom hidden amongst puffy clouds and shadows and one of Miyazaki’s most visually stunning settings. The quest young Pazu and Sheeta embark on to reach the titular castle is filled with action, high stakes, and drama. Sheeta and Pazu share a heartwarming friendship that’s tinged with romance—Sheeta is bashful and withdrawn, while Pazu is more lively and exuberant.

Their contrasting personalities make them compelling characters. They are both equally protective of one another; Sheeta bravely wants to finish the mission on her own so that Pazu is not hurt, but he refuses to leave her side. Castle in the Sky also features some of Miyazaki’s most vibrant villains, including an old crone and her quirky group of sky pirate sons and the stoic, deceitful Colonel Muska, who relentlessly pursue Sheeta’s crystal amulet. Castle in the Sky is a soaring fairy tale with a classic good-versus-evil story.

7. The Boy and the Heron (2023)

Released a decade after his intended retirement, Hayao Miyazaki made The Boy and the Heron at 82 years old. The ambitious film treads familiar territory as a young boy goes on a journey to a brightly colored fantasy world where the living and the dead live in harmony (and there’s also an army of human-like parakeets). Set in 1940s Japan, the film centers 12-year-old Mahito, who has been mourning the death of his mother in a hospital fire after a Tokyo bombing raid by the Allies.

Miyazaki confronts this devastating event in a harrowing flashback sequence, set against a nearly black background, with huge balls of fire raining down on the city—it looks like hell on Earth. Miyazaki uses a hazy, sketch-like animation style to evoke the pain of Mahito’s memory. It’s a very visceral way to confront the audience with the pain and devastation of war, showing how trauma lives inside victims, especially the young ones, forever.

Mahito’s grief allows him to become easily swindled by a mysterious bird, voiced by a gravelly Robert Pattinson, who promises to reunite him with his mother. While The Boy and the Heron explores the ideas of grief, legacy, and family—which feel especially poignant coming from an older filmmaker—the story doesn’t quite come together as much as in Miyazaki’s other films, and the fantasy world is not as striking.

6. Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

Sophie is a quiet and insecure young woman who, after receiving attention from a handsome wizard named Howl, is cursed by an envious witch. Transformed into a short crone, Sophie volunteers to work as a cleaning lady in Howl’s castle, a steampunk patchwork of wood and metal that loudly lumbers through the countryside. Sophie is kind and hardworking, while Howl is vain and self-absorbed, often throwing tantrums if his hair dye doesn’t turn out right. Despite his flaws, though, he has a good heart. Their differences make the romance that develops between them an enchanting watch.

The castle is also home to other eccentric characters that add a lot of humor, like Calcifer, a fire demon voiced by Billy Crystal, and a cute scarecrow named Turnip Head. Miyazaki ties all of these whimsical elements together with a poignant anti-war message, as you’d expect.

5. Princess Mononoke (1997)

Princess Mononoke takes a more biting, intense approach to environmentalism than some of Miyazaki’s other films. It’s a lengthy, sprawling epic about a young man involved in a war between the forest gods and a mining colony. He comes across the iron-willed Mononoke Hime, a young woman raised by the wolf god Moro. A nimble warrior and princess who wields a bone knife and spear, she’s not afraid do whatever it takes to protect the forest gods against the humans who have been systematically destroying their home. Princess Mononoke loves and fights fiercely, making her a bewitching heroine.

Unlike the fanciful creatures of Miyazaki’s other works, the animals in Princess Mononoke are more life-like, majestic, and hauntingly beautiful, and their detailed animation is breathtaking. There’s a towering elk with impressive antlers, a massive wolf, and the Forest Spirit—an awe-inspiring figure resembling both a stag and a mythical Kirin from Japanese folklore. Princess Mononoke does not hold back on the violence and suffering that comes standard with environmental destruction, making this high fantasy epic one of Miyazaki’s darkest and most powerful films.

4. The Wind Rises (2013)

Aside from a continued fascination with flight, The Wind Rises stands apart from Hayao Miyazaki’s other films. There are no mythical realms with fantastical creatures; instead, it’s a sophisticated World War II biopic of Jiro Horikoshi, the Japanese engineer who designed the fighter jets used at Pearl Harbor. Taking some creative liberties with Horikoshi’s life, The Wind Rises explores complex ideas about the price of artistic creation.

Miyazaki contrasts the lovingly crafted details of Horikoshi’s sleek machines and the serene countryside where they were created with the destruction and havoc these machines cause in the world, an internal struggle Horikoshi grapples with throughout the film. These contemplative themes are complemented by Jiro Horikoshi’s touching romance with a woman named Nahako. They meet unexpectedly during an earthquake and never forget one another until they reunite years later. After quickly falling in love, they marry when Nahako is diagnosed with tuberculosis.

The final words on the screen, “The wind rises...We must try to live” are a poetic reminder that although we are constantly swept away by the difficult changes of life, we must adapt to them. The sensitive, humanistic approach to adapting the life of a real person whose passion had severe global repercussions makes The Wind Rises one of Miyazaki’s greatest works.

3. Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

Kiki is one of Miyazaki’s most endearing heroines: resourceful and kind, curious and outspoken, gregarious and hardworking. At 13, all witches must live independently and discover their “special skill” and Kiki decides to explore flying, which she uses to start a delivery service for a bakery in a quaint coastal town. The gentle charm of Kiki’s Delivery Service lies in the various townsfolk she encounters—like a rambunctious little boy with a huge, sleepy dog, an artist who wants to paint her, and kindly elderly ladies Kiki helps with household chores.

We follow the small, everyday challenges she faces, from hauling packages up tall stairs to dealing with a mischievous gust of wind that makes her lose her first delivery. Kiki’s Delivery Service builds to a thrilling climax in which Kiki must rescue her friend from a burning blimp. It’s a sweet, cozy coming-of-age journey that beautifully captures the uncertainties and heightened emotions of growing up and going out on your own.

2. My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

My Neighbor Totoro basks in the purity of childhood wonder. Not much happens in this simple tale about sisters adjusting to their new rural home while their mother recovers in the hospital, but it has so much imagination and heart. The lovely and uncomplicated narrative lets you focus on the magical forest spirit Totoro, a gentle giant with a fluffy, gray body and tall ears.

My Neighbor Totoro is mostly composed of cute, breezy vignettes of Totoro and the sisters engaging in various activities: learning how to use an umbrella, making trees grow out of the ground with a dance, and flying through the air while hanging onto Totoro’s belly, overlooking the entire countryside. There are other enchanting creatures, too: dust bunnies, a giant cat bus with glowing eyes and mice for headlights, and tiny little Totoros that scurry through the forest. There’s a very emotional climax in which the 4-year-old Mei argues with her older sister Satsuki and gets lost, but for the most part My Neighbor Totoro is just a simple story about the magic of being a child.

1. Spirited Away (2002)

Spirited Away has all the elements that make Hayao Miyazaki’s films so unique, but with a darker, Grimms’-fairy-tale-esque edge. 10-year-old Chihiro gets swept away to a dreamlike fantasy world, but not one of excitement and adventure—one of uncertainty and danger. She must face numerous trials to rescue her parents who have been transformed into pigs.

While working at a spirit bathhouse, Chihiro meets surreal creatures that really show off the power of Miyazaki’s designs: evil twin witches, a giant baby, and No-Face, a masked spirit who grows larger with everything and anything he consumes. There’s also the repulsive Stink Spirit, a huge puddle of sludge, and the Susuwatari, small fuzzballs whose entire existence revolves around endlessly putting coal in the bathhouse boiler.

Spirited Away is Hayao Miyazaki’s most mesmerizing film, thanks to its inventive design, sensitive portrayal of childhood fears, and suspenseful story. It’s an absolute classic that transcends the genre.

MORTDECAI Review

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This Legendary Film Icon Is the Most Expensively Dressed Movie Character of All Time

Every balrog in middle-earth, ranked, 10 movie musicals that are perfect from start to finish.

Johnny Depp ’s mustache is referenced about a dozen times during David Koepp ’s globetrotting romp Mortdecai .  At times, it seems like the whole movie is based around making jokes about his well-kept mustache.  This helps explain why the vanity project is so frenziedly boring and tedious.  Based on the first of a 1970s trilogy of lighthearted novels by British author Kyril Bonfiglioli , Mortdecai is manically unfunny.

A big problem is that the character of Charlie Mortdecai (Depp) isn’t likeable or very funny.  He dresses like an asshole, so I guess casting Depp was inevitable.  Depp does a masterful job transforming into the bumbling aristocrat, but he’s not the type of character you want to hang around with for 90 minutes.  He’s a connoisseur of fine art and fine living, which has led him to falling 8 million pounds in debt.  His solution is to locate and sell a presumed lost Goya painting, “The Duchess of Wellington.”  As legend has it, hidden on the back of a painting is a code for a Swiss bank account loaded with Nazi loot.

Joining him on his adventure are his grizzled manservant Jock ( Paul Bettany ), his wife Johanna ( Gwyneth Paltrow with scarcely tolerable British accent), and MI5 agent Martland ( Ewan McGregor ).  Also in the mix are Jeff Goldblum as an art collector and Olivia Munn as his nymphomaniac daughter.  Munn is treated as nothing more than a piece of meat whenever she’s on screen, which quickly gets uncomfortable to watch.  Most of the film is uncomfortable, in fact.

While the supporting cast does their best to keep up, Depp unloads with an arsenal of facial tics.  When he’s not rambling, weird noises gurgle out of his mouth like he drank dish soap.  He spends most scenes frantically mugging for the camera and milking lowbrow jokes out of every situation.  And fondling his goddamn mustache.  I think we’re meant to laugh every time he touches the thing, like it’s inherently funny.  Like Joe Dirt ’s mullet.

Mortdecai earns its R-rating with a slew of sexual innuendoes and F-bombs here and there, but it never feels like a crude adult comedy.  It never feels like something a younger person would enjoy, either.  It exists in some parallel world where age means nothing and Johnny Depp is a god.  I don’t want to live there.

At one point in the film, Johanna (who we’re constantly reminded is “damn attractive”) asks her husband, “Must you be so tiresome?” A very good question.  Mortdecai is a wearisome film about a charmless character who becomes grating within his first five minutes of screen time.  A globetrotting caper filled with deceit and cartoonish violence sounds fun, but with this huge misfire, it’s simply a deafening bore.

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‘wolfs’ review: dreadful, laugh-free slog tests limits of what pitt, clooney’s star power can salvage.

Running time: <br>108 minutes. Rated R (language throughout and some violent content). <br>On AppleTV+ Sept. 27

George Clooney and Brad Pitt made a public stink when Apple shifted the release of their movie “Wolfs,” for which they were paid tens of millions to make, from theatrical to streaming.

“It is a bummer,” Clooney moaned at the Venice Film Festival when asked about his paycheck, er, sorry, his movie.

Really, the pair should send Apple CEO Tim Cook an Edible Arrangement for saving them the embarrassment of what would have been a giant flop.

“Wolfs,” a so-called comedy written and directed by Jon Watts in which Clooney and Pitt play rival New York fixers tasked with discreetly disposing of a dead body, is a dreadful, laugh-free slog that tests the limits of what star power alone can salvage.

The A-list presence of Brad and George cannot mask the elementary school dialogue they utter, the jumbled tone and Dollar Store aesthetic. In fact, their attachment to this compost only exacerbates its many, many problems. 

The boldface names suggest a certain level of quality — or, at the very least, competence — that this movie does not meet. Maybe I’d be more forgiving if this buddy-cop retread starred Stephen and Billy Baldwin. Alas.

As it stands, woeful “Wolfs” won’t make you howl so much as huff and puff.

Watts’ 108-minute yawn begins with a woman’s scream. That’s Margaret (Amy Ryan), and she has just encountered a naked, dead body in a luxury hotel suite.

Covered in the young man’s blood, Marge lowers the blinds and shakily picks up her iPhone. Apple, trying to make lemonade from its lemon, can at least hawk some mobile devices.

“I was told if I ever need serious help to call this number,” she says. “There is only one man in the city who can do what you do.”

In walks black-clad Clooney, whose character has no name or, you know, traits. He dons rubber gloves and prepares to make the damaging situation disappear. 

But it turns out he’s not the only man. A few minutes later, a downcast Pitt knocks on the door. 

His character has been hired by the hotel’s owner, a disembodied voice, to complete the same task since it turns out Margaret is a powerful district attorney who slept with the dead guy, and the proprietor doesn’t want her business tarnished by scandal. 

(Every New Yorker knows that high-profile crimes actually make locales more alluring. Ask Sparks Steak House.)

The two shadowy fixers have never met or even have any familiarity, but they immediately hate each other for some vague reason. And that, readers, is the only joke of this entire movie: Anything Brad can do, George can do better.

Watts, whose “Spider-Man” films for Sony are great fun, tosses away centuries of comedy rules by having both Pitt and Clooney play the straight man. 

So, we grimace as two smug, deflated, blasé dudes speak so robotically they could be in a biopic called “Siri.”

Two unspeakably bland men being quietly annoyed at each other is not humor as the world understands it. What’s funny is how much product is in their mummified hair.

In the pantheon of Clooney and Pitt collaborations, I’d sooner rewatch “Oceans 12.”

“Wolfs” briefly finds a pulse from the introduction of the only actor who’s awake, the talented Austin Abrams, who plays Kid. Geeky and inquisitive, he tags along with George and Brad on their underwhelming tour of New York’s underbelly.

But as soon as the focus shifts back to the two huge movie stars, our eyes glaze over. They noncommittally natter on about Croatian and Albanian crime syndicates and get in an impressively boring shootout while always being totally unbelievable in their roles. 

The sole virtue of “Wolfs” being released straight to streaming is the incredible ease with which viewers can switch over to “Oceans Eleven” after the first five minutes.

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‘Linda’ Review: An Enigmatic Woman Beguiles a Whole Family in This Sexy Thriller

First time feature filmmaker Mariana Wainstein and actor Eugenia "China" Suárez superbly reveal the pathos behind an enigmatic and tantalizing lead character

By Murtada Elfadl

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Following Nicole Kidman’s “Babygirl,” another psychologically complex erotic thriller arrives at one of the fall festivals. Unspooling in the Discovery Section at the Toronto International Film Festival, the Argentine thriller “ Linda ” puts a sexy and mysterious maid inside a household where she wrecks emotional havoc with the family she’s serving. Immediately the tables are turned and her mystique attracts everyone and gives the upper hand. At the center of filmmaker’s Mariana Wainstein , is an alluring yet reserved performance from Eugenia “China” Suárez as the eponymous enigmatic beguiler.  

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Older sibling Matilda (Minerva Casero) has a boyfriend (Agustín Della), whom she quickly finds wanting in comparison to Linda. With her, Linda is more of a sensual charmer; gifting her a second-hand bikini and opening her eyes to a world beyond her sheltered life. Suárez’s interplay with all three actors is so riveting that the audience can’t help but find themselves part of these sexy games — perhaps as unsettled voyeurs. 

Suárez and Cardinali are electric together. The film reaches its apex sensuality in the moments that showcase their undeniable desire for each other. Their connection is almost animalistic as Linda sniffs Luisa sometimes, and feeds her at other times. Director Wainstein frames these two actors in generous medium shots that allow their whole bodies to relay their carnality. But beyond a physical connection, the screenplay, and especially the magnetic performances, hint at other expansive themes. These are two women constrained by systemic patriarchy and only with each other do they find sweet release for their frustrations.

In a later scene, the film reveals a mystical connection to the South American legend of Deolinda Correa, a woman revered for her perseverance in protecting her family. Wainstein, who also co-wrote the screenplay, puts a particularly modern spin on that legend. Instead of dying to save the family, Linda and Luisa gain strength from each other. In the end things may not have changed much from where they started. But the audience gleams how much Linda and Luisa affected each other. “Linda” is the best kind of thriller, one that forces its audience to maintain rapt attention, lest they miss a flicker from an actor or a camera cut away that illuminates the story. 

Reviewed online Sept. 10, 2024. In Toronto Film Festival (Discovery). Running time: 99 MIN.

• Production: (Argentina) A Pampa Films, Gloriamundi Prods., Bourke Films production. Producers: Pablo E. Bossi, Cabe Bossi, Pol Bossi, Rodolfo Lamboglia, Patricio Di Salvio, Juan Lamboglia. Executive producers: Maximiliano Lasansky, Martín Iraola, Pablo Sahores.
• Crew: Director: Mariana Wainstein. Screenplay: Diego Bliffeld, Luciano Cocciardi, Horacio Convertini, Juan Cordoni, Mariana Wainstein, Sabrina Campos, Nancy Gay. Camera: Marcos Hastrup. Editor: Miguel Colombo. Music: Manu Moreno.
• With: Eugenia "China" Suárez, Julieta Cardinali, Rafael Spregelburd, Minerva Casero, Felipe Otaño, Agustín Della Corte. (Spanish dialogue)

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‘Nonostante’ Review: A Wry Italian Riff on Hirokazu Kore-eda’s ‘After Life’

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Chief among them – though this lead, like every other character, goes nameless – is an ornery sort played by Mastandrea himself. Now marking his second outing behind camera, Mastandrea is already a popular Italian star and lead of last year’s record-breaking smash hit “There’s Still Tomorrow.” But even those less familiar with the actor’s background will quickly recognize his type – specifically here as the kind of middle-aged flâneur that has become Italian film ’s stock protagonist. Self-contained in a suit and clad by ironic distance, the unnamed sort calls to mind  all  the doleful observers that have traipsed across the screen since  il cinema  went modern, highlighting a weakness of a film that could benefit from a touch more idiosyncrasy. Related Stories Errol Morris’ Hard-Hitting Documentary ‘Separated’ Should Be Released Before the November Election Blumhouse Brings Screams to Theaters with AMC’s BlumFest

Though these particular lonely escapades begin at a long-term care facility, they are not limited to any one space, with this existential dramedy often beguiling on world-building alone. Mastandrea invites us to linger in his fantasy construct before relaying the rules, lending the experience an appealing uncanniness. The prosaic turns poetic as the anodyne, health clinic interiors – you know the type, full of fluorescent lights and antiseptic designs – soon give way to surreal embellishments. Strong gusts of wind, with the sudden force of a hurricane, sweep in unannounced, while the many lost souls defy genre conventions by moving freely through the world.

That abstract possibility assumes greater urgency upon the arrival of a new patient and wandering soul. She speaks with an accent, boasts the energy of Argentine star Dolores Fonzi (“Paulina”), and in no way accepts the limitations of her newly liminal state. And wouldn’t you know it, the two soon fall in love – or whatever the nearest approximation thereof – which poses an additional issue when their respective conditions take opposite turns.

Working from a script he co-wrote with Enrico Audenino, Mastandrea accents his premise’s wider allegorical possibilities, using this scheme to riff on all forms of existential heartbreak. Thought the spirits are able to interact with one another and free to roam, they cannot connect with those outside their condition – save for one tone-deaf musical therapist, played by local standup Giorgio Montanini — and that creates additional resonance once the lead takes his new love to visit his dementia-afflicted dad. The pair stand before the older man as literal and figurative ghosts – close in proximity but separated by an insurmountable metaphysical divide. That the scene apparently evokes the filmmaker’s own family story only adds poignancy, pointing towards a richer expression of these themes.

If not quite working on the same level as Kore-eda’s 1998 masterpiece, “Nonostante” still circles around similar conclusions, understanding that the artistic urge to capture and enshrine connects to a sentiment commonly offered in mourning. “May their memory be a blessing,” we say, owning our own agency in the matter by recognizing that a quieted voice can continue to echo for so long as we can hear and share – and Mastandrea captures that same sentiment here. Movies aren’t yet a balm for mortality, he admits, but as we wait for the alchemists to finally solve  that  problem, the best we can do is steal moments from time.

“Nonostante” premiered at the 2024 Venice Film Festival. It is currently seeking U.S. distribution.

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